“For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.”-Kahlil Gibran
Glory loved life, although life had brought her so much pain. She dealt with abuse, addiction, pregnancy loss, spousal loss, and family tragedies. All in her short 43 years on this earth. But she was inspiring. She was hilarious. She cherished every living thing. She loved her friends and family with all that she had. My cousin was life. And I was honored to be there when she took her last breath.
During the last 6 days of Glory’s life, I barely left her side. I spent all my waking (and some of my sleeping) hours at my mother’s home, where she had been living. I am a professional labor doula and have spent many hours assisting families as they journey through bringing a new baby into the world. During this period, I came to realize how parallel the birthing process is to the dying process. I noticed this many times, but specifically in 3 different ways.
Similar Unknowns
The birthing process is full of unknowns. I remember a family member saying to me, after we had sat by Glory’s side for a couple days, “I just wish we knew exactly how long we have left with her.” When someone is being born, there is no way to predict the exact moment of birth. Similarly, the moment of death is beyond our knowledge.
“When will it happen?” “How will my(their) body handle the process?” “What happens next?”
These questions come in all sorts of different ways and wordings, and they come along with many different emotions. Which leads me to my next point…
Similar Emotions
Fear, Exhaustion, and Frustration– Fear of dying, fear of pain, fear of unknowns, fear of disappointing people. Exhaustion from lack of sleep and nutrients. Frustration from things not going as planned or expected.
Hope, Laughter and Love – Hope for the future, new life on earth (birth) and moving on to heaven or another afterlife belief, seeing loved ones who have passed, becoming pain free (death). Fond memories bring laughter into the atmosphere. Love surrounds the person in the form of sweet words and comforting touches.
Similar Support Needs
As a doula, I was able to support my loved ones in ways that I would not have been able to before. My family is comprised of many different personalities, many different belief systems, and many different needs. I was able to meet those needs for them in their own unique ways. Making sure my mother ate, bringing a bit of humor to the day to make my cousin laugh or smile. Keeping track of things that others could not, such as medication times, because they were focusing on Glory and just didn’t have another thought to spare. Encouraging loved ones as the navigated their waves of emotions and wrestling with what they thought their belief systems were. Keeping my own personal beliefs and opinions out of my support, unless I was asked to share, and allowing them to be confident in their own conclusions.
I genuinely believe that this experience with my beautiful cousin has changed me for the better. I am overall a better human being, and I absolutely am a better doula, because of her. If you would like to talk more about supporting your loved ones during a time of loss, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” – J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.
// F O L L O W
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This is so beautifully and artfully crafted! I have felt the same way for years but have never been quite able to articulate and pen my thoughts and ideas. Thank you for so wonderfully expressing how special our Glory was. She sparkled, glittered, twinkled and shined. When she walked into a room she brought with her an air of excitement, anticipation, hilarity and non-judgemental adoration of everyone and everything in it! She will be forever loved and missed. I love you Mish.
Very well written (Mitch) 😂. It seems like it was so long ago and it hasn’t even been 3 weeks. Thank you for everything you did to keep my sister comfortable and for putting up with my Agnostic ass.
Beautiful. Life is so precious.